The Path You Never Wanted to Travel

by Alex Hopper

This path you're on: Where you've just been told your sweet baby will not live after birth. The baby you've prayed for, hoped for, prepared for, and waited so patiently for, has just been given a death sentence. This path, though it is narrow, it has been walked before. Many parents before you have found themselves dropped onto this dark and treacherous path. With no warning the bright and beautiful road that leads to a happy, healthy baby has become a dirt path that seems to lead into a deep dark pit.

How could this happen?

How could everything change in a second?

And most importantly, How can you go on from here?

I know it seems impossible. It seems that it would be impossible to keep on living, hoping, and carrying your child. And though you know the ending, that your sweet child will not live in this world, you choose to do the impossible. You make the brave and terrifying choice to carry your child at all costs. To give them the best life possible, if only the womb. And I am here to tell you that it is possible. It will be the hardest thing you've ever done; at least it was for me. It was a daily challenge to stay strong and positive for my child. To keep on living when it seems as though your life is over. But I am here to tell you, IT IS WORTH IT. It is worth every terrifying doctor’s visit, every sleepless night, and all the doubt.

And not only is it worth it.

It is amazing.

It is an amazing privilege to carry your child. A privilege denied to many, and squandered by even more. And as you do the impossible you will learn to fit a lifetime of love into a few short months. You will learn to love in a way that you never thought possible. To give so much of yourself, and yet to still feel so fulfilled, because this is truly a sacrificial love. And though you may not meet your child alive, or they may only live for minutes, they are still your child. You are their mother. You are their father. You are a parent meeting their baby for the first time, and it is beautiful. There will be pain, deep agonizing pain that can only come from saying hello and goodbye to your baby in the same moment. There will be sadness; sadness that will break your heart into a million pieces. And though your heart may be shattered, there will still be love. An overshadowing, unbreakable love, a love that makes it all worth it. A love so strong, that all the fear and heartache has become worth it. And in the end this long dark path has led you to your baby.

Your baby was worth it.

They will always be worth it.

~ ~ ~

Alex Hopper is a writer in North Carolina. She is married to her beloved, Trent, and mommy to her angel, Cyrus. Cyrus was diagnosis with a fatal birth defect in the womb at 12 weeks. He was carried with love until he was born at 33 weeks on November 25, 2013. He lived for 1 hour and 9 minutes. His life was short, but his legacy lives on.